The Fourth Friday in November

Ahhh, wiggle your toes with joy.  It's over.  Fait accompli.  I cooked my way through all the food groups yesterday (fat and sugar being very well represented).  All the usual suspects and a few new recipes:  Pumpkin pie made from (you guessed it) a pumpkin; Cranberry sauce with a little kick of rum, an orange juice base, and two kinds of sugar; Sweet Potatoes roasted instead of pureed with a butter/maple syrup sauce and toasted pecans.  Yum.  I guess (I didn't actually eat anything).  All served only one hour after the target time while I was wear a dress.  (You didn't see that one coming, did you?)  My remaining fabulous MIL, Gene, allowed me to skip the gravy making finale and removed my pajamas and hair tie to get dressed.  We all did.  It was lovely.  Maybe at your house everyone dresses up for holiday dinners.  That's a lovely idea.  I, however, began cooking at 4:30 a.m. and didn't sit down until 5:30 p.m.  I was tired.  And given gravy making, et al., somewhat apprehensive that I would actually sit down to Thanksgiving Dinner in my PJs.  Like I said, I was dismissed to "get ready."  It was lovely. 
And yet...  When I looked in the mirror after a quick face wash, toothbrush, mascara application, and hair brushing - all I could hear was my dad's voice saying "You're not Pretty [when you drink]."  Well.  I did have two glasses of wine right at the end of the cooking frenzy.   Does that mean there wasn't a sparkle in my eyes?  Did my hair not actually come out pretty great considering it's due to be washed and It was tied up in an Aunt Jemima style kerchief all day?  When I remembered to hold in my stomach wasn't my dress pretty?
This is the way I live my life, always second guessing.  Everything.  Why, why, why, why, why?
My dad has been dead longer than I had a dad (meaning I've spent more than half my life without a father). 
This little diddy that replays constantly in my head is only the tip of my personal iceberg.  And I want to let the global warming begin.  Really.
So, I'm investigating something called EMDR.  It sounds so useful.  To put the past to rest.  Heaven.  I'll let you know how it goes.