Madre Dos

PC's mother, the Queen, died yesterday. She was 58 years old. She was diagnosed with liver cancer in October of 2006 and she fought longer and harder than anyone expected.

Linda was the mother in law everyone should be lucky enough to have. When I married PC he was 22 and I was 29. I had two kids. She accepted our sons as her grandsons from day one, she never expressed any doubt that PC was lucky to have me (PC can be a challenge and who knows that better than his mother - she used to tell me that if there was ever a divorce she got me) and that the whole family was lucky to add us to it. I tried to tell her, years later, how grateful I was of that acceptance and she seemed truly astonished. It never occurred to her to do anything but accept and love us. What a woman. I loved her so much.

I caught the quilting bug in 1997 when I was in my second year of law school and I taught her the very little I knew over Thanksgiving break that year. It turned out I wasn't doing most of it right but she caught the bug too and then it multiplied exponentially with her as the host. My big kids used to say that I created a monster when I taught her to quilt; I didn't but she did become happily obsessed. She left around 30 quilts for me to finish but she has gifted innumerable friends and loved ones with her quilts already. Linda passed the bug along to her best friend, and PC's surrogate mother, Judy. Judy's kids also declared that I created a monster but I know the joy their mutual and separate quilting brought to Linda and will still bring to Judy and I beg to differ.

Linda asked us to make her memorial service a celebration of her life and the things she loved most: grandchildren and quilting. This photo is of Linda in July 2004 (shortly before the conception of the Pumpkin) surrounded by all, ten then, of her Grandchildren, happy.

Linda fought the cancer so long and hard that we never actually said goodbye. You couldn't say it since she still didn't believe it the last time I saw her. PC and his sister we able to say their goodbyes while she still was aware of herself and the people around her. I was with her in the hospital on Mother's Day and a commercial came on the television which featured an old lady skateboarding, Linda looked at me and said "I sure wish I was going to get old." I told her I really wished so too. That was as close as we came to goodbye. If I'd been able to I'd have said:

"I promise to take care of your son and his sons; I promise that no matter how much he irritates me, I'll be married to him always; I promise to stay close to your daughter, a sister isn't the same as a mother but I'll be there for her
when she needs me; I promise to take [your best friend] Judy into our lives as if you were still here - she can't come to visit us with you but she can still come; I promise to stay in touch with your sister, I did not really know her before you were ill but I have come to love her during your illness; Most of all, I promise to do everything in my power to make you real to Caleb - he won't know you the way the other kids do but we will talk about you, and tell stories about you, and point out your things and the quilts you made and we will MAKE him know who you were and how much you loved our pumpkin; I promise not to let him be forever known as "Pumpkin Head" even though he maybe should be, I know you didn't like it when I called him that; I promise to keep you in my heart and to remember everything you've taught me; I love you." .

I hardly have any picture of Grammy and her Pumpkin. This was taken in May. She's wearing the Brighton breast cancer awareness bracelet it has charms that say "be the inspiration" "heal" "hope" "accept" and a small locket
inscribed with "mothers, sisters, daughters, wives". I have one too and I've always planned to put her picture in it. I'll wear it and let the Pumpkin play with it and open it and tell him how much his Grammy loved him and how hard she fought to know him longer. I know we can make him see how wonderful she was.

We love you Mom