Am I "That Kind of Mother"

I am apparently the kind of mother who will let her barely two year old use his favorite shubbel(shovel) to collect the hideous dead cricket off the garage floor and dump it into the trash can. I did hold the lid of the can open for him. Do I get points for that? Or was I just making sure that the creature actually landed in the can? Probably the latter. On the other hand, he likes to be useful. And he was... I can once again enter the garage (aka my sewing and laundry room) without fear.


The whole "that kind of mother" thing is on my mind because of some acquaintances of ours. They've been married about two and a half years. She has an eighteen year old daughter and a fourteen year old son. He has a ten year old son. Her son lives with them. His son lives in another state with his mother. He is active duty Navy and was recently given the choice of either going to Iraq (unacompanied by his family for a year) or to Hawaii with his family for three years. Not his whole family of course. He will see his own son even less than he does now. He makes the nine hour drive to his son's house fairly often for long weekends, school vacations, etc. Her daughter will not be going. They've arranged for her to share a house with a young sailor they know pretty well. The thing is her son (who simply doesn't have any other father) will be going with them. A smallish caucasion boy who is a little bit geeky and wears glasses. Into Hawaiian public schools. I am a military wife and we have never considered Hawaii as an acceptable duty station unless we had the budget for private school. Therefore, we've never even considererd Hawaii.

These newly married folks are HOT for each other. I've known them for over four years and they can hardly keep their hands off each other and their clothes on when their together. They telephone and email each other constantly. They hate to be apart. But come on...


I love PC; he really is my prince. But I can assure you he would NEVER question whether him alone in Iraq versus any of our kids in Hawaiian public schools was a sacrifice he was willing to make. He simply wouldn't consider it. And I'll tell you something else, if it was PC's friend's biological son - the one in the other state - they wouldn't be going to Hawaii. How very judgmental of me. But I KNOW this is true.


So then, I've established I'm not THAT kind of mother. I don't send my kids to public schools where they are destined to get the shit kicked out of them every day for the crime of being Haulie (sp?). We chose to purchase our smallish homes in excellent school districts (although I admit I secretly long for a McMansion) and I am certain we'll continue that tradition. We were supposed to be able to live anywhere now that T has graduated but along came the Pumpkin so we're in for another 18 years or so of choosing a house based on its schools rather than its charm.


On the other hand I do let any of the three pick up creepy bugs so I don't have to. I have been known to dose a possibly sick baby with Motrin or Tylenol (or their generic equivalents) so that they can be dropped off at daycare (aka "school") and I can get at least a half day of work in before the school calls to inform me that my baby is sick.


I am also the mother who refused to bail her oldest son out of jail when he was arrested for selling narcotics. I'm sure it was a hideous lesson - but I suspect he truly learned it.


I held the middle one close to me on the day, in his senior year of high school, when he was expelled for having a knife in his car. I know it sounds awful - the knife - but we have them in each of our cars, they're very handy for opening packages, making small repairs, etc. Since the school police officers also found remnants of marijuana in the back seat pocket of T's car that is what I was concentrating on... And then the school principal explained that he had no choice but to expel T for having a weapon on school property. I am a licensed attorney but the fact that the school thought my boy brought a weapon onto school property had never crossed my mind. Except once he said it, based on my skilled legal background, I realized that there was no way out for my boy. In the end that middle boy somehow managed to remain in school, complete all his required classes and actually graduate in June. I am now the kind of mother who is so grateful for the graduation that the fact that neither of the "big kids" were prepared to attend even community college (they COULD have, they just wouldn't - although R now attends full time) hardly even registered on my panic scale.


I am a mother who works hard for her money (with a husband who works harder still). Neither of us was ready for college immediately after high school (PC's parents sent him but he has a transcript full of Fs to show for thier investment in one year of partying). We each eventually went to college as adults, at night, while raising these same kids and we paid for the privilege. In my case, we'll be paying for the next 20 years. We're paying for R's college now because he finally seems to be serious about going (we've actually paid several times but he never completed any courses until this summer). When its time for him to move on from the Community College (VERY inexpensive in California where R lives) he may be on his own for the expense. We haven't really talked about what will happen next because we're still watching what happens now.

I am THIS kind of mother:

1. I love them all fiercely;


2. I make them face the consequences of their actions (well, perhaps not so much with the Pumpkin);


3. I send them to excellent public schools (again, the Pumpkin - being two, doesn't qualify so he goes to a lovely private daycare center);


4. I help them with college but I don't think I owe it to them - I think they owe it to themselves;


5. I would die for them but I won't bail them out of jail;


6. I will watch ridiculous TV shows with the older kids, if they invite me, just because I'm flattered to be asked;


7. I will watch endless repeats of the Pumpkin's favorite shows and movies just because he like to know I'm there repeating "oh no" at the thrilling parts and pat, pat, patting to get rocket to fly faster;


8. I have asthma but I will inflate up to ten ballons a day because the Pumpkin loves them; and


9. I tell them every day how much I love them and I try to explain that being their mother is the best thing I've ever been.