What do you do?

After nearly 13 months of unemployment I am, once again, working full time.  Outside the home.  You know, a regular person with a job.  Me again.  After the first few months of panic and nausea, when I realized we were okay financially and the stress was not likely to cause a divorce, I actually enjoyed being home this year.  Not enough to ever really relax into it.  After all, the job search was a constant, nagging, depressing, fruitless, presence.  In those 13 months I had exactly five first interviews, one second interview, finally one offer (after only a first interview).

I reinvented myself several times mentally over the year:

 I would offer myself up to non-profits, slave away administratively for a relatively low salary and help to save the [planet] [mistreated animals] [abused children] [battered women] [the DNC] insert the cause of the appropriate agency here.  I did not receive any responses to my spiffy resume and well crafted cover letters.

I would (finally) pass the Virginia Bar and rather than slave away putting more money into insurance companies' pockets (the unfortunate place where I've spent the bulk of my professional life) I would go work for a public entity and help to save the [abused children] [battered women] [poor and the meek] [people who can't afford a high priced defense lawyer] [the Commonwealth] [the Country].  I didn't take the Virginia bar and thus eliminated the prospect of passing it.

I would offer myself as an independent contractor to assist law firms getting ready for a trial (this doesn't actually happen very often, most cases settle in the civil litigation world, so there is an enormous amount of work to do to prepare when in does happen - I'm good at that work) and intermittently work 90 hours a week for relatively large sums of money, accompanied by enormous stress and anxiety and a complete relinquishment of all parental obligations and pleasures.  Didn't happen - just writing the words gives me a stomach ache and PC is gone all the time so I don't actually have 90 child free hours a week to offer.

I would start keeping the house really clean and cooking low cost healthy meals every night and put on makeup and clean clothes before PC got home from work and fetch his slippers after he walked in the door to show him how great it would be if we just agreed that I'd stay home forever.  Didn't even really try that one.  I'm so not June Cleaver.

And here I am.  An admin bitch (that's an affectionate term used by me and PC not by my employers) for a technology company.  Pay:  Okay.  Stress:  None.  Dress Code:  None (jeans and tennis shoes mostly).  Benefits:  Great.  Level of Contentment:  Pretty High.  Makeover in Future:  Nah.

I Changed My Mind

Just a quick note.  I'm not doing it.  I'm not taking the Virginia Bar Exam tomorrow.  I made the decision about two weeks ago.  I am never walking through those doors - the Norfolk Marriott in February or the Roanoke Convention Center in July - again.  Unless.  Unless I change my mind someday.  Unless I can walk in confident that I have the information to actually pass the test.
I'm not actually certain I'm capable of storing up the information potentially required to pass that test.  Having failed three times I'm not comfortable attempting the test without the ability to produce a short outline of all 26 subjects.
The bottom line is I just don't want to.  And two weeks ago I didn't feel ready and didn't feel I could get ready.  So I explained to PC.  And he didn't explode.  He wasn't furious.  I suppose he was disappointed but he didn't say so.  So I stopped studying.  I put the books aside.  The relief was tremendous.
Today, the day before the test, I'm feeling some noticeable anxiety.  If I made the wrong decision its too late this time.  But not really.  I know I was correct in my assessment that I wasn't going to be ready this time.  So we'll see if I decide to attempt a "next time."  If I make the decision I think I need a solid six month lead time.  And a solid commitment to find three to five hours a day to stuff those 26 subjects into my brain for the full six months.  And to figure out how to hold those things in my aging brain.  And then properly discuss them on command.
In the meantime, I'm second guessing myself a little bit today.  But I won't be trying to "guess" any correct answers tomorrow.  The relief is tremendous.

I'm doing it again

That, apparently endless, awful horrible very bad thing... Studying for the Virginia Bar Exam.  Ugh.  This will be my fourth attempt at the exam.  That's right.  I've failed three times.  In my defense (and I'm very defensive on this subject) I was close.  All three times.  You need 140 points to pass.  In February 2004 I got 135 points.  In July 2004 127.  In July 2008 136.  And now, after nearly a full year of being unemployed, with only three job interviews and no offers, I'm doing it again.

Oh wait, I forgot to say I passed the California Bar Exam on my first try.  In 2000.  (I told you, I'm defensive.)

I've had fairly good excuses for not quite making it all three times.  But, as PC pointed out, this time no one is distracted by horrid personal problems that are not discussed on this, or any other, blog; no one is pregnant; no one has cancer.  So I should be able to just grab those four extra points with no problem.  Right.  I'll get right on that.

My California, Environmentalist, Birkenstock Wearing, Side

I bravely (or perhaps foolishly) declared myself committed to eating locally on this blog a long time ago. Since that time, I have not said (or done) much of anything regarding that committment. However, I am currently obsessed with the concept. Let's face it. I'm not working. I have plenty of time for obsessions.

I have also been avidly reading Ree Drummond's blog http://thepioneerwoman.com/ and am now very interested in blogging about recipes with accompanying dazzling photos. I realize it is highly unlikely that my photos will be dazzling but the camera now lives in the kitchen.

So, with both of these things in mind, I have started a second blog. Crazy I know. I hardly ever post on this blog. I'm planning to change that. But when I am blogging about eating locally I will post on my new blog Virginia Beach Locavore http://vblocavore.blogspot.com/. Posts regarding my life in general and what I'm currently cooking will remain here (unless I'm currently canning - I guess - having two blogs is complicated).

I hope you have a chance to check out my new blog and that you like it - even if you wouldn't be caught dead in a pair of Birkenstocks.

Thinking about eating local

I spent most of the weekend preparing, purchasing, or thinking about food. Local food. Food that is available to me, in Virginia Beach, now and what I can do to preserve that availability through the winter. But mostly how I can enjoy what is available now, now.
I made the entire 4th of July menu from Cooking Light magazine. I cruised several Farmer's Markets and farm stands to purchase the necessary fruits and vegetables for both the CL menu and the coming week.
Then, at C's insistence we went crabbing. We caught, cleaned, cooked, and picked 20 crabs (this resulted in a solid 3 cups of crab meat - yum!). I had a little help in the catching from C; he eschewed the cleaning, cooking, and picking.
I also oven dried 5 pints of grape tomatoes. I've done 5 pints twice this month and I now have a respectable half gallon of dried tomatoes in the freezer. I had to purchase these tomatoes at the Farmer's Market. My own cherry tomatoes still look like this...

not exactly ready to be dried.

Although I have a fairly large back yard (large from my California standards anyway); the yard is PC's and I am permitted to plant in the two raised beds he made for me. I did add three additional pots along a sunny wall.
I have requested three additional raised beds. We're currently negotiating the additional beds.
Next week, I plan to make 25 or 50 pounds of tomatoes into lovely fresh sauce to be frozen. I also want to start shredding and freezing zuchinni. I love shredded zuchinni in orzo and I want to be able to eat it all year long without buying zuchinni from Chile.
Since my vegetable beds are in a fairly sunless area, I can't grow much. I tried one bed with Roma tomatoes and a few herbs. In the other, I have a pepper patch. I planted nine tiny plants each of Jalapeno, Banana, and Cayenne peppers. They've done very well.

With my surfeit of crab and peppers (jalapeno and banana peppers - grown in my own nearly sunless yard) I made some really yummy stuffed peppers. I used about 2/3 of a cup of the crab with 8 ounces of vegetable cream cheese, about 1/2 cup shredded sharp cheddar cheese. some parmesan and chili sauce. After I filled the chili halves I rolled the cream cheese side in some crushed croutons mixed with still more parmesan. These things were Yummy. Really yummy. I loved that I grew the peppers and caught the crabs. I am woman (hear me roar).

Did you know you have a roll back here?

Uh yeah. I did. That's why it took 3 days of agonized scratching on door jambs before I asked you to rub some lotion on my (badly sunburned) back. I'll be 47 in a few weeks. I've put on a few pounds (how much is a stone? I think I'll start counting them - maybe I've only put on a couple...) in the last few years. I am sad to report that I weigh around 35 pounds more than after I lost the "baby" weight associated with the Pumpkin.

Could 200 be the new 150? Do I here 135? Yikes. I am NOT saying that I weigh in excess of 200 pounds. I don't own a scale.

At any rate, I'm not at all certain that "Did you know you have a roll back here?" is acceptable marital communication. I suspect it is on the same page as "Is everything okay, because I've noticed you've put on a lot of weight lately?" Sadly, yes, that is an actual recent quote from the clearly misnamed PC. Just my little cross to bear. Grrr.

I thought I'd need some momentuous occasion to blog again after so long but I was wrong. I just needed to vent.

A Quarter Without Cancer

Prince Charming had the first of his post-surgery quarterly screening visits yesterday. The results were relayed to him today, by his surgeon. His lungs are clear. This is the news we need to hear every quarter for three years, biannually for two years, and annually thereafter. This is really good news. In my translation it means this: PC is cancer-free for this quarter. I need the cancer-free label (don't forget - this blog is all about me) I know he craves it as well. Until June we are once again permitted just to lead our normal lives. Who would have thought two intelligent adults could be so grateful for too much work, too little play, and one very small and spirited toddler. I, for one, am feeling an irrepressible bubble of well being. Right now, today, we are on track and all is well.

During my absence from the blogosphere my fabulous friend LawyerMama has taken many beautiful picture of the spirited toddler - most of them portray him as, literally, breathtakingly beautiful. Her pictures of my baby take my breath away.

So I am looking forward to easing back into the blog thing (reading and posting)... without a huge black storm cloud directly over my head. There may be a storm coming but its not even showing up on the Super Duper local news radar. That's just the way we like it around here.