Who Knows Where the Time Goes

I am 46 years old today. We won't do much. I've purchased several fabulous presents for myself in the last few weeks and, as PC would be the first to point out, I don't need anything. That is true. (I want to completely re-do my sewing room but that is not likely to happen.) There is a difference, PC tells me, between need and want. I do understand it and I don't need anything. There are some personal things, of no global importance and in no particular order


That I want:

1. To lose 20 (ok 35) pounds. PC would put this in the need column. I joined weight watchers, my firm generously paid for a 17 week membership, and yet I've had a net gain of 2.2 pounds. This is a direct result of not following the plan. Hmmm. I could give myself permission to eat expensive but healthy lunches until Thanksgiving. Oh goody. Yet another gift.



2. My oldest son to be happy. (I want all three sons to be happy but I think, for the most part, the younger two already are.) I can't give either one of us a gift to help achieve it but I sure want it.



3. My back, which I wrenched somehow while tucking in the Pumpkin on August 18, to quit hurting and spasming. I take the prescribed anti-inflammatories and I take the muscle relaxer (prescribed for four times a day) at bedtime since it caused me to fall asleep at my desk and while driving on the interstate no matter how much I ate or how much caffeine I consumed to try to counteract it. So, the gift of chiropractic care. The whole concept of chiropractic care makes me very nervous but I have heard several stories from women of how it helped their chronic back problems so I'll give it a try. [Edited on September 27 to add - I never got around to the chiropractor but it seems to have finally healed.]



4. To somehow balance my work, my passion for quilting, my Pumpkin's need to spend LOTS of one on one time with me, and the other important facets of my life (my marriage, my older children, etc.) I am lucky in my marriage in that my husband expects me to sleep with him each night, spend a few evenings a week with the baby, spend all weekend with the baby, and do the deed three or four times a week. That is not a lot as far as expectations go: he does all the cleaning, most of the cooking, takes care of the yards and the dogs. I take care of the baby. My middle son, T, likes it just fine (he claims) that he is under my radar. He doesn't cause any trouble and I don't spend too much time fretting about him or, more importantly to him, quizzing him about his life. I think my oldest son, R, would prefer that I be more hands on even though we live on opposite side of the continent. R is 21 now and sometimes he calls and we have great conversations and sometimes he calls and I end up flinging my cell phone across the office.

PC is right I really don't need a thing (except possibly number 1 above). That said, with all my silly wants and fully met needs what do I have to show for the last 46 years:

1. 3 healthy sons. 2 of them officially adults, one still a toddler.


2. A 17 year marriage to a man I love beyond words.


3. 24 completed quilts, many quilts in progress, and my recent inheritance, from the Queen, of about a thousand yards of fabric (all in color coded bins) and at least 60 quilts in progress. She went through the quilts in progress with me when she first found out she was sick and explained who she was making each quilt for and how she wanted me to finish them.


4. The certain knowledge that I helped my father to die well, the way he wanted to.


5. A law degree.


6. Membership in the State Bar of California (too bad I happen to live in Virginia... that is certainly a topic for another post.)


7. Nearly $200,000 in student loans. At $800 per month they'll be paid off in 20 years. (I just think of them as my vacation home - when I'm 66 and finally finished paying for them - I probably won't even want a vacation home anymore.)

Not too bad I guess. Nothing that helps to further world peace or anything. Just a regular family living a regular life. I do have a deep appreciation for the time and place I was born. My lists above would probably be really different, and not in a good way, had either one of those things been different.